Heartache
by singingstranger
Summary: Sasori notices his love for Deidara for the first time, but Deidara has a girlfriend. What now? YAOI boyxboy SasoDei, don't like don't read!


**Sasori's heartache**

"I am so fucked, un!"

"For the love of… would you just shut up for ONCE?" Sasori looked up at the blonde with a highly disapproving expression darkening his glare. But the sculptor showed no signs of even thinking about stopping to complain.

"You have no idea, danna! I'm dead for sure, un!" Deidara shrieked, grabbing his long hair in despair.

Sasori had been team partners with Deidara for long enough, that he knew, that he was obviously not getting any more work done today anymore. He turned around to the younger artist, spinning his pen in his palm, glaring: "What the hell is wrong with you? What did you do? Did you walk in on Konan while she was showering?"

"You wish… It's worse, un! I forgot my girlfriends birthday!" he exclaimed.

Sasori almost dropped the pen: "Your…"

Then he broke out into laughter. Deidara almost threw a bomb at him.

"It's not fuckin' funny, you jerk, un! She'll dump me as soon as she notices, that I don't have a present and all and…"

"Wait a moment, you have a girlfriend? You? Of all people, YOU?" the puppeteer was almost choking, he was laughing so hard. Dei was starting to be seriously pissed: "Yes, un! And I have no intentions of losing her over this, un!"

Sasori could only smirk. This was going to be fun: "What's her name!"

"Like I'd tell you, un. I need a present and I need it now!"

"Well, when's her birthday? Yesterday?" he chuckled. Deidara only pouted.

"No, today. I totally forgot, but she'll kill me for sure!"

That moment, Sasori remembered something. A month and a day ago, he had had his birthday, and also that Deidara had forgotten all about. He seemed to have problems remembering numbers and dates, didn't he…

With a very soft chuckle he grinned at the desperate blonde: "Calm down you dope! What did you want to get her?"

"That's the problem, un. I don't know!"

"Well what does she like? Jewelry?" this was starting to become stupid. Why was he helping this annoying brat? It was high time he learned a lesson anyway!

"Ye… yeah, she does, un. But how do I know which suit her and… Argh! I don't know what to doooo!" Deidara was about to burst into tears, something Sasori hated.

Since he couldn't stand seeing this idiot cry, he gave in with a sigh: "Shut up, okay? Fine, I'll come with you and we'll find something suitable or whatever. Just stop whining like a three-year-old!"

Deidara blinked at him a few times, obviously stunned. Then he started drowning his danna in Thank you's and bone breaking hugs, which he did his best to block of impatiently. But he wasn't really focusing, which was making it easier for Deidara. His thoughts where far away.

So, Deidara had a girlfriend now, huh? He wondered what she looked like. Was she maybe blonde, just as he was too? Why was she in a relationship with an Akatsuki member? Well, there the question was more, did she even know, that he was from Akatsuki? And if yes, did Pein know about this?

"-ori? Sasori no danna, un! I asked you if we wanna take the bird, un!"

Sasori pulled himself together and nodded quickly. Why was he pondering about this! If there was anything to know, Pein probably knew already. He had to trust his headless roommate.

Strangely, he suddenly felt a small stinging in the region of his heart container, he couldn't explain. And next he knew, it was over again.

They flew to the village in silence. Neither of them spoke a word, the way they usually where during travel. Once they had reached the villages outskirts, they landed the bird and walked into town.

"Where does your girlfriend live, by the way?" Sasori asked, as the thought occurred to him.

Deidara glanced around with an uneasy expression: "Not far from her, un. I'm really hoping, that she doesn't see me!"

"Hm."

Not far from then, they found their way to the only jewelry-selling store in town. Deidara seemed to be slightly overwhelmed by all of the different necklaces, rings, bracelets, and so on, while Sasori's thoughts drifted off.

He had mixed feelings about Deidara having a girlfriend. This was already strange enough, seeing that he hadn't felt much for quite some time now. Well, except for maybe feeling pissed off by Deidara's and his never-ending fight about art, which drove him nuts. But what he was feeling now was strange and unfamiliar to him. On the one hand, he felt a soothing warmth when he thought about his blond teammate. But once he added his girlfriend in his thoughts, he sensed a curious tingling and stinging in his chest. It was highly fleeting, but it was bothering him a lot. Was something actually physically wrong with him or was it emotionally caused? And if yes, what did it mean?

Suddenly something jabbed him in the arm, making him turn around, snapping back into reality. Deidara was standing in front of him with a handful of necklaces, one dangling from each finger.

"Hey, danna! Which one would you choose, un?" he asked, looking cheerful.

Sasori ignored a new wave of tingling as he looked into the blonde's face and forced himself to look at the jewelry. It was all, well… pretty and all, but honestly! He was a guy, what did he know about jewelry? The only one that actually looked nice to him was a very simple one with a small, rough-silver ornament that reminded him of a tree.

"This one looks ok. The others are not my taste at all." he decided, pointing at the little tree.

To his utter surprise, Deidara momentarily took that necklace to the cash register and paid without any hesitation. Sasori raised an eyebrow. The blonde blushed: "Hey, seriously? They all look the same to me, un!"

They traveled back in silence. After they reached headquarters, and Sasori had climbed off the bird, Deidara took off again without hesitating. It didn't take long before his cloaked silhouette molt into the dusk.

Deep in thought, the puppeteer entered the secret base, bumping into Konan.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" she exclaimed, giving him a worried look, "Are you alright?" Konan looked around: "Where's the blond idiot? Someone said you went into town together. Or is he off with his girlfriend?"

"Yeah. I was planning on turning in now, good night Konan-san." he replied monotone. Even Konan had known. Why hadn't Deidara told him?

That night, the sculptor didn't come back till after midnight. Sasori lay awake all the time too, thinking. About Deidara, who was probably spending a few hot hours with some lucky girl.

About how he hadn't told him that he had found a partner.

About how much his heart was aching.

By now he had understood, what this strange feeling must be. It had to be emotional pain, he couldn't feel physical injuries in this body.

"Weird." he thought, "My heart is the only mortal part of me. Yet its pain is shaking my whole, immortal body."

But what emotion was he feeling? Why was it hurting him? Yes, it was truly magnificent that his heart still could ache, but unfortunately, he had forgotten what it meant.

Or… had he ever known?

In that very moment, the door opened, and Deidara entered the room, quietly. He seemed to be thinking, that Sasori was asleep. The puppeteer heard some cloth rustling as sneaky steps walked to the blondes bed and then a sleepy, followed by a loud rattling noise, as he probably let himself crash on the mattress. Moments later, he started to snore, telling his danna, that he had fallen asleep swiftly.

Sasori turned around, after having lain with his back to the incomer the whole time, to check if he was actually sleeping already. Apparently he was lying with his face turned to the door. But before he could roll back, something else caught his eye. Deidara had, once again, carelessly thrown his cloak and net-shirt on the floor and fallen asleep in his pants. Usually he got extremely impatient about things like these. A certain measure of tidiness in ones living space was _not_ too much to ask, after all. But tonight, he merely rolled his eyes in silent disapproval.

With a sigh he stood up and walked over to the bed of his sleeping roommate, intending to pick up the cloak and the shirt, for both where lying right between their beds on the floor. But just as he bent down to grab the garments, he froze. Deidara had turned to face him in his sleep, and their faces where merely inches apart from each other.

How could he have never noticed how incredibly innocent and sweet Deidara looked like, when he was sleeping? His perfectly shaped face had lost all of the bitterness and madness that gleamed in his eyes, now that they where covered by those remarkable, long lashes. His skin was truly pure and of a milky color. Only his cheeks where flushed a bit, as if he had run a long way. Or more likely had some hot sex moments before returning to the base.

A new tingle around his heart made Sasori shudder. What was that f…?

It couldn't be…

The realization hit him as if it had been a lightning bolt.

That couldn't be. That was impossible. It had to be!

Or was it not?

He leaned in a bit closer, less than an inch separating him from the blonde's face.

How could something so fleeting as a youthful face attract him this much?

Deidara was just… perfect!

Sasori moved forward a tiny bit, gently brushing the sleeping man's lips.

And he thought his heart might have just exploded.

Quickly he pulled away, waiting with a shocked expression, praying, that he hadn't woken up.

But Deidara just continued to snooze peacefully. And somehow Sasori had never been so glad to hear him snore.

He stumbled over to his own bed again, shaking. The cloak lay forgotten on the floor. Why was he shaking like this? Why was his own perfect body betraying him for emotions? Someone had told him once, that love was the strongest force. He remembered how Kakuzu had strongly disagreed, waving his money pouch around. And how he had only smirked and shook his head.

Feeling his puppet-body shake, made him know better.

Finally his thoughts let go of him, making him fall into a very uneasy sleep. But he still woke up more than once in those few, short hours before sunrise with less than pure images about him and Deidara following him from out of his dreams, still dancing before his eyes.

When the sun finally had risen enough to give him an excuse for not sleeping any farther, someone banged against the bedroom door. Since the blond man was still asleep, Sasori walked over to the door, draping himself in only his cloak, and opened the door a bit.

"Good god, Konan! Don't you know what time it is?" he asked a very lively looking Konan.

"Oh shut up you sleepyhead! I just wanted to tell you, that the rest of Akatsuki is going off to buy a ton of shit for the dining room, after your jackass of a teammate blew up half of the furniture last week. You know, while you where off on mission alone for a change. Too bad you weren't there, Hidan died twice that weekend and Deidara can be grateful he still has his balls! Kakuzu almost castrated him when he saw the bill! And don't even get me started on Pein…" she added, rolling her eyes.

Not stating what he would have thought of that, Sasori answered: "Feel free, as long as no one is expecting me to join your merry shopping trip. I have a ton of work to do. And don't count in the brainless git, he's still snoring."

"Whatever! He's not coming along anyway! Remember the last time we took him shopping for furniture, where he…" Konan began with gleaming eyes, but Sasori felt a bit to tired for this: "I know, I know! See you guys later!"

She pouted for a moment, but then she stalked off and disappeared. He pulled the door shut gratefully. Moments later he already could hear the shutting of the main-entrance door, telling him, that they where all gone.

Great, now he was all alone with the blonde.

He felt totally insecure about what to do or even just say to Deidara now. His heart started to pound again in the aftermath of that never-ending tirade of wet dreams the night before. And another body part of his, a bit farther down, suddenly decided to spring into action as well.

"Fuck!" Sasori hissed as he quickly glanced over to Deidara. He was certainly not jacking of in here with his teammate about to wake up any moment! No way in hell!

Quickly he fled to the bathroom and hopped under the shower. With slightly shaky fingers he fumbled with the knobs until the hot water finally came gushing down on him. Not till then he dared to take care of his attention-craving member.

A few minutes later he stood leaning against the wall, watching the steaming water rinse away the thick, white liquid he had loaded off just moments ago. Thinking about Deidara and his grin, his perfect, long lashes, his remarkably build body… What the hell was wrong with him?

Suddenly he heard something being moved around in the other room. What was Deidara doing over there? Was he moving furniture? He decided that maybe it was time for some real washing, so he could check, what that idiot was up to.

When he stepped out of the bathroom a bit later, only draped in his Akatsuki-cloak again, he stopped dead. Deidara had pushed his bedside table into the middle of their room and had placed a little cake and a small, frilly wrapped package on it. There where a few candles on the cake.

Deidara stood behind it, grinning from ear to ear: "Happy Birthday, danna, un!"

It took Sasori a moment before he found words to express anything: "Deidara… What the _hell?_"

The blonde looked at him with big eyes: "What? Are you that surprised that I actually remembered your birthday for once?"

"Yes… no! I mean…" Sasori was rendered speechless for a moment.

Then he couldn't help himself but to burst into laughter: "Baka! My birthday was one month ago!"

Deidara's eyes widened to the size of plates: "Un?"

Shaking his head, the puppeteer took the package and started to open it up. Just judging by the extremely extravagant, frilly ribbons which where more or less clustering the present, Deidara was trying to once again trying to make clear to him, that art was a bang. At least the first thing he had thought of after seeing this wrapping had been an explosion.

"Probably a bomb again." he thought, remembering last years present.

But to his utter astonishment, he was totally mistaken.

It was the very necklace he had fancied. The roughly cut, tree ornament one.

"Deidara! I thought we bought this for your girlfriend!" he stuttered, blushing a bit. Was this a joke?

"Not this one, un! I remembered in the store, that I still needed a present for you. So I let you chose one, making you think it was for her, un. Actually, I already had bought one and wanted to tell you, that we could leave, un. That's when I remembered." suddenly, Deidara's embarrassed grinning tilted, "It would be ok anyway. She dumped me yesterday, un."

Sasori's heart made a gigantic leap he tried his best to ignore: "Why? Did you buy her the wrong present?"

"No it's…" he blushed crimson, "Un, forget it! Anyway, seriously danna, I'm so sorry, un! I always mess up birthdays, un."

"I noticed." Sasori replied. Seeing Deidara blush like this was making his treacherous heart pound even faster.

Deidara blinked at the awkward silence and stuttered: "Well… you should, um, blow out the candles, un. And don't forget to make a wish, un!"

"I'm a bit too old for your childish games." he murmured, but he followed suit, since discussing with the sculptor was always futile. He knew from experience. But when he tried to think of a good wish, he could only think of one single one. Finally he gave in to it and blew out all of the candles in one strike.

"Good one danna! What did you wish for, un?"

"Like I'm telling you!"

"Okay, fine. But maybe you could tell me where everyone is? The whole place is deserted!" Deidara asked, looking confused.

Sasori did his best to suppress a chuckle: "They're off to buy some new furniture. Apparently some blonde maniac blew up the dining room's table and half of the chairs."

"Oh, yeah… err, sorry about that, un…" Deidara's excuses faded into no longer understandable mumbles before long.

Strangely, seeing his teammate distressed, made Sasori's heart start to pound faster again.

"Danna, un?" the younger man gave him an innocent smile, "Do you want to start on the cake, un?"

"Um, yes, of course." he hurried a bit to much, fumbled with the candles and dropped one. Fuck! What was wrong with him?

Both ha and Deidara dove after the candle. And then their eyes locked, with their faces so close together, that Sasori could have counted his eyelashes. He was so beautiful, so perfect…

That moment, he didn't know who had moved first, the gap between them closed. And there they kneeled on the floor, kissing gently. They carefully broke the kiss, looking into one another's eyes. The cute blonde before him was flushed deep crimson again and was just opening his mouth to say something, when he quickly sealed his lips again. This time, it was more fiercely.

Needs, instincts and lust, the things that made him stay a living being, they where clouding his mind, driving his self restrain to its limit. And he was only pushed higher, when Deidara molt in his hands, submersing the dominance in their kiss to him. It felt like a dream. Everything in Deidara was clearly and literally begging him to kiss him deeper, to touch him. To fuck him!

Sasori broke the kiss and looked Deidara in the eye. The welling lust and excitement was making both of them breathless. His whole body was betraying him for the lust; his hands where shaking, his body ached, screaming for more, even his vision was slightly fogged by the lust.

Finally it was Deidara who caught his breath first: "Danna, un… I… I love you, un!"

"I love you too!" Sasori panted, "But… but I thought… you had a girlfriend and all, and…"

"I know, but I only agreed on going out with her, because I didn't know what else to do anymore…" suddenly he started to cry.

Sasori felt uneasy. What was he supposed to do? If he had really loved him for a while now, then how could it be, that he had never noticed?

"I don't know when it happened, un…" Deidara sniffed, "It just did! When I noticed, I got really scared. I thought you'd hate me, un! I was even pretty sure you'd kill me, un. Or at least have Pein kick me out. But then he would have had to kill me, because I know too much about Akatsuki. And seriously, I really don't feel like dying, un! So I tried to suppress it totally, hoping it would go away eventually.

"But it didn't, un. It got worse and worse, un. Then a girl suddenly confessed to me out of the blue. I was so confused that I trusted Konan with the truth. She was all cool, saying I should go out with the girl, since over her I could also get information about her village that might be important to Akatsuki. But she also said, that I should only play along as I feel up to it, un. But…"

Deidara stopped speaking for a moment to sniff: "I couldn't love her. At all! And she felt that, un. Yesterday I couldn't stop thinking about you and she got mad. Then she dumped me, un."

Sasori couldn't stand his crying any more. He leaned in swiftly and sealed his lips again. As he pulled back, he murmured: "I didn't know, what love feels like. But now I remembered. Deidara?"

"Yeah, un?" the blonde asked breathlessly.

"I love you!"

He kissed his tears away. Then he picked him up and carried him over to his bed, laying him down on it and then settling in, between his legs, hovering over him.

Deidara looked confused: "D… danna?"

"Hush!" Sasori whispered. His instincts had definitely taken over his mind by now. He was really trying to restrain himself to not give in to his urge to fuck him on the spot.

Suddenly Deidara pulled his hand to his chest.

"Touch me, danna, un!" he panted with lust-clouded eyes.

He didn't need to tell Sasori that twice. His fingers traced down Deidara's shirt immediately, lifting the hem and taking it off him swiftly. In the meantime, his other hand found it's way down into Deidara's pants. His beloved artist was already just as hard as he was. Hungrily, he yanked off the blondes remaining garments, his own Akatsuki cloak followed momentarily. Their erect members rubbed against each other, sending shockwaves of lust up and down Sasori's spine.

"Ah… AH! Danna! UN! Oh danna!" Deidara's sweet moans and calls for Sasori almost pushed him over the edge already. His body was feeling incredible.

Suddenly the sculptor started to tense up: "Un… Ah! Danna, I… I'm gonna…"

"Not yet! Sasori warned him softly. Ha had made up his mind on what he wanted to do with his beloved blonde, "Hold on, we're not done yet!"

-x-

Both of them lay on the bed, completely spent and breathless. Thick, white cum was splattered on both the sheets and their chests. And Sasori felt more than satisfied. Maybe he had learned a lesson or two today. He could still feel things. He had just forgotten what they meant. Maybe he would start to listen to himself and what his heart was telling him more often. He had found something today. And he was going to hold on to it.

That moment, he heard voices from just beyond the door. Deidara was half asleep, so Sasori carefully stood up and draped himself in his cloak, walking over to the door. He rested his head against the it and listened to what was going on out there. The rest of Akatsuki seemed to be back. Konan and Kisame where having a small argument as it seemed.

"… and why did we have to go _today_? Even Pein said, that tomorrow would have been better." Kisame exclaimed angrily, "Also, why did all of us have to go except for Sasori-san and Blondie? I don't get it!"

Konan laughed merrily: "Well, the two of them have been stressed out a lot in the past few days and they really needed some time to sort things out. But with all of us around, I really doubt anything would have happened."


End file.
